Oh, hi, there. I realised earlier today that we are whizzing our way towards the prediction season, alternatively known as the  “my prediction is bigger than your prediction” season. My predictions are, quite obviously, massive so I’ve decided to get in there quick before all those tiny predictions start to roll in and muddy the water.

Prediction 1.
2014 will be the year of the predictions. We will predict our way through 2014 as if every single day was December. Sad but true.

Prediction 2.
Things will finally die. For the last couple of years we have been predicting that things will die. We said that advertising would die and that books and newspapers would die. We said Facebook would die and that Google would die. We said MySpace would die and we even said that the annoying next-door neighbour with his annoying hipster gramophone would die. None of them, however, ever did us the curtesy of exodus. That’s going to change next year. They are all going to die (promise). All of them. Except, of course for the annoying hipster next-door neighbour and his bloody gramophone.

Prediction 3.
Robbie Williams will release another album with the word “swing” in the title.

Prediction 4.
Everyone will realise that: “online reputation management” is being sold by people who confuse having an “online reputation” with having a personality.

Prediction 5.
“Online personality management” won’t be a trend in 2014

Prediction 6.
People will stop buying things because of confusing customer journeys. Transactional search? Informational search? For heaven’s sake I just want to buy something… oder eben nicht. Etc. This will of course lead to a complete financial meltdown, that won’t be very nice and we all need to buy seeds and learn how to grow vegetables, which will lead to a download peak in gardening apps. Until, that is, all of the electricity runs out.

Prediction 7.
Someone will base their Social Media model on Dante’s Inferno. The further your go down the circles of Social Media Hell the closer you get to Sascha Lobo.

Prediction 8.
Sascha will shave off his red Mohawk and grew his hair into two pretty little red horns, which will cost him an extra 2 minutes 27 seconds in the bathroom every morning. Which he will Snapchat.

Prediction 9.
2014 will be the year of the mobile. AGAIN. Really though, it will. Promise. Mind you, there’s always 2015.

Prediction 10.
Huffington Post Germany will stop messing about and finally ask me to write for them, an offer that I will obviously decline because I am a MASSIVE DIVA.

Good evening.

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