Hello. Good evening. I have some really rather desperate news for all seven readers of this blog. I will not be winning a Grimme Online Prize this year. Although expected, I’m utterly devastated by this oversight. I’ve been moaning about this merciless lack of Grimme interest over on Facebook and it would appear that there are actual, factual and crushingly simple reasons why I won’t be winning this prestigious award. The reasons being:
- I don’t blog in German. It would appear that to win this German award I am required to blog in German.
- My blog posts are too short. According to one Herrn P. Breitenbach (a former Grimme prize winner himself) my blog posts aren’t long enough for a)the German blog market and b)Herrn P. Breitenbach.
- My blog isn’t about anything. If you pause momentarily and have a jolly long think about this blog, it really is about something. It is. You just have to look really, really hard. I’ve been told that it’s very meta and it has, from time to time, been described as something resembling a distressed LCD Soundsystem song. That sounds like a compliment but was actually meant to hurt my feeling at the time. It didn’t so I’m taking it as a compliment.
The final reason I won’t be winning a Grimme Prize this year is because nobody, not a single bloody one of you nominated this blog. Which is both sad and understandable at the same time.
I am wearing a new jumper.
I’ve decided that I am going to win a Grimme Online Prize in 2015. There’s nothing anyone can do to stop me. You would be forgiven for thinking that I’m going to align the strategy behind The Benefits of an Excellent Hangover to match this challenging mission but as there is no strategy behind this blog that’s not going to happen. Obviously.
I’m going to be the first Englishman living in Germany, blogging really short posts in the English language; posts that kind of don’t make any sense (but they do if you really, really concentrate: for fuck’s sake concentrate). I might reduce my swearing a little.
This is the mission. This will be the journey. Are you ready to come on this roller coaster ride with me?
Good evening. Etc.