Category: Food blogging

Inserting whistleblower outreach meaningfully into your client’s communications plan.

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Whistleblowers are people too.

Whisteblower outreach isn’t a massive trend at the moment but you can bet your sweet PR budgets and all of your future-proof-creativity-labs that, at some point in the not too distant future, you’ll have to sit down with your espionage agency client and map out a strategy for successfully inserting whitsleblowers into their communications plan.

Long gone are they days where you could attempt to court a whistleblower with the guarantee that all of their 200.000 highly declassified documents would be made available to billions of highly agitated bleeding hearts and artists. That’s just reach and reach simply doesn’t cut it anymore for the contemporary whistleblower so you’re going to have to up your damn game.

Obviously, you’ll need to involve international travel arrangements, asylum seeking and the occasional exclusive interview with a politician from the German green party in your outreach pitch.

You should avoid sponsored whistleblowing or asking a whistleblower to blow the whistle on a subject that has no relevance to their particular line of espionage. You should never mass email whistleblowers as they all know each other and will bitch about you behind your back (internal whistleblower outreach whistleblowing). You should also never, ever, promise the potential whistleblower that they’ll never be arrested, assassinated or appear in the Guardian’s data journalism section.

For corporate whistleblower outreach you should consider all of the above as well as the dialectic referral model (shitstorms) to ensure top-of-mind interest and an imaginary R.O.I.

What’s your whistleblower outreach experience? Let us all know in the comments. Actually, don’t.

Etc.

Good afternoon.

A shaving accident, the end of the jungle, a week in snapchat, Facebook, a goose and the Grimme Prize.

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It’s been a hell of a week. That was the week that was. Etc.

The End Of The Jungle.
A television show, which I believe is called “I’m a celebrity get me outta here” in England, came to an end. The wrong person won.

Bungt.

Everybody became depressed until Heidi Klum turned up yesterday with Germany’s Next Top Model. Now everybody is happy again.

The Shaving Accident.
This week has been dominated by the shaving accident. I’ve been fending off twenty-somethings who have been trying to give me shaving tips.

Business Travel.
I’ve been travelling a lot lately. I was on a plane or two. I hate planes. I did manage to get to the correct city on every single occasion, which doesn’t always happen but that is a story we’ll save for another time. That is all I can say about business travel.

Snapchat.
It has been an excellent week on Snapchat with some really strong work. Greg, who was shit last week, has been excellent this week. My wife has been knocking Snapchats out of the ballpark and Steffi has had a special week too. Sascha has performed well. Rouven needs to up his game. Up your damn game Rouven. Seriously.

Grimme Prize.
I’ve never won a prize, a fact that isn’t going to change anytime soon, I’m afraid. I realised this week that I’m not going to win a Grimme Prize, which is really rather depressing. I wanted to win the Grimme Prize for the best Non-German-Blogger-Blogging-in-Germany-But-Not-In-German award. It’s just not going to happen and I need to find closure on this.

The Goose.
I talked to a goose about content marketing. “Content first!”, I said. The goose wasn’t really that bothered about content marketing and asked me to be on my way.

Smoke free.
I have been smoke free for 17 days 21 hours and 45 minutes.

Living the dream.
I experienced another “living the dream” moment this week. Living the dream moments are moments that normally occur during the evening and normally during business travel. They describe the gaping void between your perception of my day and what my day is actually like. Yesterday I saw a German C-Level-Celebrity eating a BiFi. In an airport. She seemed to be enjoying it.

Facebook.
Facebook happened this week. You know that I’ve just said that everyone was sad about the jungle show finishing and everyone being happy that Germany’s Next Top Model was back. Well, that’s not strictly true. There are quite a lot of people who think these shows have no grace, no relevance and that they are void of any dignity what so ever. Thankfully, the same people that think this, have been appearing on Facebook necking a bottles of beer. Either that or they have been publishing little films about their wonder years on Facebook. Yes, Facebook happened this week.

Good afternoon.

 

Snapchat of the day

I receive approximately 2126 Snapchats a day. Some of them are bronze standard (Gregory), some of them are silver standard (Stefan) and some of them are gold standard (Sascha). But only 1 can be Snapchat of the day.

Kai delivered today’s Snapchat of the day.

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Congratulations, Kai. You win nothing but our respect.

Good evening.

 

In Case You Missed It.

Is this in your agency presentation? Bet you’ve always wanted to smash your head on a spike every single time you see it.

Long-term observers of contemporary blog culture will be familiar with the “in case you missed it” mechanic. Some of you, however, may actually have lives so I’ll have to explain it to you.

In the crazy world of online performance marketing you’ll discover that we have things like “retargeting”. Retargeting is an advertising format that follows you around: you look at shoes in an online shop, an advert for shoes follows you around, etc. I was once in a Google presentation where a young man explained to a baffled audience that it was like being followed around by cucumbers. Anyway. Businesses pay for this kind of advertising.

Observers of contemporary blog culture will have noticed that most bloggers refuse to pay for a damn thing so they use supposedly free platforms such as Twitter or Facebook to tell you about what they have just written.

I do this to.

The “in case you missed it” mechanic is very similar to some kind of manual retargeting. The blogger in question wrote something earlier and they can see from their analytics that nobody has bothered to look read it so they’ll spend all day running around the Internet shouting “in case you missed it” at people until someone, anyone, reads their damn blog post.

I don’t do this.

I don’t do this because it’s a) pathetic b) I’ve never posted anything worth not missing.

Until yesterday.

Here’s my in case you missed it moment.

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In case you missed it, I shaved yesterday and it didn’t go very well. As I mentioned in this post (observers of contemporary blog culture will appreciate the combination of “in case you missed it” combined with a link to another post that the reader will most certainly have missed), I don’t shave very often and when I do, I shave in the shower and never use a mirror. I’ve never had problems with this. Until yesterday. Yesterday I shaved half of my face off.

Have a good week.

Good morning.

That was the week that was.

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This may become a series. Actually no it won’t.

Anyway.

Another misleading title, I’m afraid, as I’m going to pack the last two weeks into this post.

Young people.
This week I realised that I spend a disproportionate amount of time with people who are considerably younger than me. This is fine as long as the head count of young people remains around 30 young people. I spent a weekend with 200 young people.

Business Travel.
I’ve been travelling a lot lately. On trains. I hate trains. I was also on a plane or two. I hate planes. I did manage to get to the correct city on every single occasion, which doesn’t always happen but that is a story we’ll save for another time. That is all I can say about business travel.

Excellence on Snapchat.
It has been an excellent week on Snapchat. Seriously good work on Snapchat this week. Special mentions go to Kai, Christopher and Steffi. And Sascha. Yeah, Sascha is doing alright on Snapchat. Gregory is terrible at Snapchat. Yeah, Gregory is shit at Snapchat.

The Strangest Hotel Ever.
I stayed in the strangest hotel ever this week. It was in Cologne. It didn’t have a reception, just keypads and code numbers. My room looked like something out of “a clockwork orange”. I sent all of my Snapchat friends pictures of my room.

Smoke Free.
I have been smoke free for 11 days 4 hours and 40 minutes.

A Discotheque.
I went to a Discotheque and danced around a lot. I sweated a lot too. That’s three things I haven’t done in about twenty years. I also nearly got beaten up by someone who was obviously on cocaine. That tends to happen all the time. My colleague Sebastian tried to save me and our colleague Julia ended up saving him. I also pole danced underneath a table. There is a video to prove this. My wife saw the video last night.

Good evening.