Category: Uncategorized

Magic Max.

[youtube=http://youtu.be/Y7rg910Z6Pg]

This is Magic Max. I hate Magic Max. I hate Max with all of my body and all of my soul. I see him every night behaving  like a massive anus; just look at him pretending to have super powers. I should hate his wife too but I bet she’s just given up on him. I bet she simply doesn’t have the strength anymore, the poor love. I mean, imagine going to a dinner party or to the cinema with this idiot. It must be hell. And that neatly trimmed beard. Seriously. And the shirt tucked into his trousers. Jesus.

I’m not a violent man but I’d hit him if I ever met him. I swear to the non existant man in the sky that I’d beat him about the head with a big stick and his wife and son would cheer me on and the people of Germany would want a live stream and probably do some kind of public viewing.

That’s right, there would be a massive public viewing in Berlin with millions of people watching me beat the living bloody daylight out of Magic Bloody Max. I’d beat him and his wife would scream “you’re not so bloody magic now are you?” and the millions watching in Berlin would go crazy and then Katniss Everdeen would turn up and start shooting Max with arrows and Jigsaw would do something nasty to Max with, well, a Jigsaw. And just when Max thinks it can’t get any worse Patrick Bateman turns up and starts singing “It’s hip to be square”. The crowd are going crazy in Berlin, RTL are covering this now too (they’re using the Inception sound track, obviously) and ProSieben have started a phone in quiz: Who is Marcus beating about the head with a big stick? a) Magic Max or b) a bag of socks (calls cost 49 cents a minute). There’s a shitstorm on Facebook, there’s a hashtag on Twitter and days later the Süddeutsche Zeitung cover it. I’ll be in the Gala by Easter.

I hate Magic Max.

This is an advert for insurance. Good evening.

The night I met Tom Waits

I’ve had a near sleepless night. That happens from time to time when I’m worried about something or I have a head full of ideas. That happened last night. What sleep I did get was wonderful and full of a short dream in which I met Tom Waits. 

I’ve never met Tom before and probably never will again; him being far away in America and a star and me being in Munich and not a star but last night, for what felt like an hour, I met him and can report that he is a lovely chap and we seemed to get on rather well.

As is often the case with dreams, it didn’t really have a beginning so, all of a sudden, I walk into an empty bar and see Tom playing a piano. I think he was playing “Martha”. He was smoking, which is naughty because you’re not allowed to do that in Munich but hey, this is Tom Waits, and if he wants to smoke in this bar then that’s fair enough thanks very much for asking. Now, I’m a little surprised that Tom is playing in this bar but he didn’t seem to surprised to see me and, squinting through his cigarrette smoke, waves to me and signals to the barkeeper to set me up with a drink.

It’s a bourbon. 

He finishes playing and strolls over, throws a packet of Lucky Strikes onto my table and grabs a chair.

“Can’t you sleep?” he asks me.

Then we talked about Brecht, drank bourbon and smoked cigarrettes.

“You’re the reason I smoke Lucky Strikes”, I tell him.

“I know, Marcus, I know. Man, let’s go and rob a bank”.

Then I woke up. It was two thirty in the morning. It was the best dream I’ve ever had. That’s nearly four hours ago and I haven’t been able to go back to sleep.

I haven’t written anything for what feels like years but this morning, after my night with Tom Waits, it feels like the right time to start again. 

Thanks Tom. 

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DXXHT8v52I]

Things that thankfully made me laugh this year.

These are some of the things that made me giggle this year.

  [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKxhI4I5kq8]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_NqVd5Wqv0]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjighCDPt-k]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IS06J0jfrA]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk0wDbyKcSg]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KR0EHW6IpSw]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJa2kwoZ2a4]
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGXzT1FdJsk]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKMRsvZe2Dc]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLO7tCdBVrA]

[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/42546611 w=412&h=281]
Michael from SPACE SHOWER TV on Vimeo.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bB2bJOFIdJQ]

[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/36820781 w=412&h=281]
stereo skifcha from Denis Borisovich on Vimeo.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5e9enUjaHU]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_0FXGaTeIk]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qI3JnR09cU4]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiBpuGY6lQs]

Not really surprising.

This is the new advert for Kinder Überraschung here in Germany.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26nZYii7KqQ] Look familiar? Of course it does.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EjJsPylEOY]
UPDATE: This was spotted AGES ago by the excellent Horizont. German article here.