This may become a series. Actually no it won’t.
Another misleading title, I’m afraid, as I’m going to pack the last two weeks into this post.
This week I realised that I spend a disproportionate amount of time with people who are considerably younger than me. This is fine as long as the head count of young people remains around 30 young people. I spent a weekend with 200 young people.
I’ve been travelling a lot lately. On trains. I hate trains. I was also on a plane or two. I hate planes. I did manage to get to the correct city on every single occasion, which doesn’t always happen but that is a story we’ll save for another time. That is all I can say about business travel.
Excellence on Snapchat.
It has been an excellent week on Snapchat. Seriously good work on Snapchat this week. Special mentions go to Kai, Christopher and Steffi. And Sascha. Yeah, Sascha is doing alright on Snapchat. Gregory is terrible at Snapchat. Yeah, Gregory is shit at Snapchat.
The Strangest Hotel Ever.
I stayed in the strangest hotel ever this week. It was in Cologne. It didn’t have a reception, just keypads and code numbers. My room looked like something out of “a clockwork orange”. I sent all of my Snapchat friends pictures of my room.
I have been smoke free for 11 days 4 hours and 40 minutes.
I went to a Discotheque and danced around a lot. I sweated a lot too. That’s three things I haven’t done in about twenty years. I also nearly got beaten up by someone who was obviously on cocaine. That tends to happen all the time. My colleague Sebastian tried to save me and our colleague Julia ended up saving him. I also pole danced underneath a table. There is a video to prove this. My wife saw the video last night.
I mentioned yesterday that content marketing is a nonsense and I was thinking about writing a book about it. I started typing around the age of 18, I am now 42. That’s 24 years of typing and during this time I have started to write approximately 67.24 books. I have never finished any of them. Sometimes I would sit in a leather chair next to a warm open fire and consider what book I would like to write next. I would let my mind wonder to far off distant places; places full of strange characters, situations and twists and turns. Sometimes the sun would shine. Sometimes it would rain. Sometimes there would be love and other times their would be murder. Never finished a damn book. Ever.
Content Marketing is a nonsense so I’m going to write a book about how you can use it to leverage any bullshit bingo term that your PowerPoint presentation may require. Obviously, that’s not going to happen so I’ve started with the cover.
Hit me with a Snapchat if you have any questions.
The title of this post is obviously misleading. Snapchat cannot be used for your content marketing strategy because: a) your content marketing strategy is shit and b) there is no such thing as content marketing. Content marketing is a lie. I should know because I made it up. I was thinking of writing a content marketing book for O’Reilly and insisting that they use a unicorn on the cover; a unicorn farting a beautiful rainbow.
There are also no pro tips in this post. Seriously, if you think you need pro tips for Snapchat then you may wish to consider hammering your head against a bed of nails until your brain oozes out of your ears. That is a very disturbing image to have conjured up, I’m sorry.
I like Snapchat. My Snapchat strategy is to have good mates who like to have a laugh. If you do not have great friends with humour you should probably stay away from Snapchat because you will inevitably realise that you are the sorriest, saddest and most disappointed individual on the face of this rather disappointing planet. If you do have great mates with lots of humour then Snapchat is EXACTLY where you need to be.
Stick that up your content marketing strategy and whistle “Like A Wrecking Ball” sweetly in my ear.
I’m fascinated by selfies. There’s something charming, disarming and alarming about them. There’s something absurd about the fact we do them. There’s something disturbing about the amount of time and effort we put into them. Selfies aren’t new, of course: Dürer spent hours gazing at himself in the mirror and put what he saw there onto canvas and photographers have been taking them for years but it wasn’t until somebody put a camera into a mobile phone that the high art of the self portrait became a simple hashtag.
I’m fascinated by selfies because they seem to want to tell me something and I like trying to work out what that might be. They’re like personal little secrets or a story (or a lie) that is trying to be told.
I’m fascinated by selfies because they are utterly ridiculous and I love the ridiculous. Some of you may remember when I bumped into Jedward and posted a picture.
It’s a selfie, taken by the Jedward on the left who insisted on taking it. He took four before he was happy with it.
I’m fascinated by selfies and I’d like to paint them. I’ll be painting some of mine. I’d like to paint yours. This is going to be a little project that I’ll be doing over the course of the year. I don’t paint enough and I promised myself (and my brushes) that I’d start painting again. As my daughters keep reminding me: “dad, you used to be an artist” and even though I’m probably not a very good one, I do enjoy painting a great deal. I’m not sure where this is going to go but I think it might be fun.
If you’ve done (or do) a selfie on Instagram and you’d like me to paint it, then do let me know. You can either send me the Instagram link per Email or pop the link in the comments of this post. I can’t promise that I’ll paint them all (in fact I’ll be surprised if any of my 8 readers bothers with this) but I’ll have a go and show you all how I’m getting along right here on the blog.
Good evening. Oh, and happy new year.
This one goes out to all of the business travelers out there. It goes out to all of you who have ever stared at the reflection of yourself in the taxi window and hoped that the taxi would crash.
It goes out to all of you who have ever stared at the reflection of yourself in the train window and hoped that the train would de-rail, that your bones would be smashed and that your soul would be dragged down to the very depths hell.
This goes out to all of you who have ever sat in a red eye flight and have looked at the reflection of yourself in the tiny window seat window and hoped that your flight would be the first flight ever to simply fall out of the sky killing nobody except for you.
This is for all of you who have ever had to explain to your family and friends that, yes, you’ve been to a city (a far away city) but you’ve never actually seen that city but you’ve seen a thousand reflections of yourself.
Rejoice! For you are glorious! You, all of you; all of us, created the basis for the selfie generation and let that be a lesson to us all.